Nothing Changes Till You Change

I think we can all agree that the pandemic ushered in all kinds of feelings, wanderings, wonderings, confusion, and just plain old discomfort. That’s what it is: discomfort.

We were uncomfortable but we didn’t know why. We knew we felt a big shift, but we were unsure what we were being shifted away from and where we were being shifted in to. It was both exciting and scary.

I found that my old ways just didn’t fit anymore. Truthfully, if I’m being honest, they didn’t fit before the big colossal shakeup, I was just trying to squeeze myself into the space I had carved out based on what used to work in another time. I knew this. I felt this. I just turned a blind eye to it. I think the greatest teacher for me during The Time of Covid was hindsight. That forced break gave me the time to recognize the lessons waiting for me in retrospect. I had a rather fun epiphany that showed me that I was sort of living this weird half-life of not being content with my personal world, yet waiting for something to change it, as if I had no control over that. I mean…what was I waiting for?

Nothing changes till you change.

I think I spent so much time waiting for “it” to come along (whatever “it” is) that I gave up my own personal power to make my own change. Change is scary. No matter how you slice it, when you change things get left behind. People get left behind. Careers get left behind. Comfort gets left behind. Comfort, even in discontent, is a mighty strong force to fight against. I’ve seen many-a-folk caught in their own refusal to leave comfort. You’ve seen them too. They have a haze over their eyes, a slowness in their walk, and a slump in their shoulders. They stood at the crossroads of Change and Discontented Comfort and chose the latter.

Change is coming and I’m so excited for it. I have absolutely no idea what is waiting for me, and the only thing I can see right now is a whole bunch of shaky ground but I’ve made the decision to be completely wide open to it. I can feel that my entire foundation has shifted and I am simply going to grab on with both hands and try not to fall off because I wholeheartedly believe it will be for the better.

I know that part of this is going to be a rebranding for me. Notice I didn’t say a “rebranding for my career”. I know that not everyone lives this way, but my career has always been tied into my personal life and I know that one can’t be successful without the other. My insides and my outsides will forever be entwined in what everyone else would consider a career, separate from my real life. To me, it’s just my life.

My photography is shifting. I know this and I feel it. When I began photographing women it was to help them create a gift for their partner. It was a simple business move. That was it. Then it quickly morphed into an art form of self-exploration connected to the turmoil associated with self-acceptance, and all that that entails. Then it seemed to take a turn out of that place and entered into a space of celebration connected to the achievement of self-acceptance, or at least the positive journey of seeking contentment with the self. Now…I have no idea where it’s going. Your guess is as good as mine. I’ll hang on and see what path is cleared before me, for sure, but I know something is shifting there.

My writing is just starting to really catch fire for me. I started blogging for my business in 2008 and fell in love with it. At the time, my happiness came from sharing stories of love and new beginnings through my wedding photography. Then it came in the form of sharing women’s experiences with their journeys into seeing themselves in a new way. The last 3 years my writing has taken a deep dive into deep introspection, life and the metamorphoses that are irreversible and unavoidable. It has been an incredible place of self-discovery for me and has been my constant companion with every new and fantastical epiphany that I’ve been blessed with. I have been so deeply grateful to know that when I write about me, it connects me to you, the reader. The older I get, the more introverted I get and so finding a way to continue such lovely connections with my fellow humans has been wonderfully gratifying. I think I have started 4 books, finished 2, and have endless piles of musings and ramblings that are some of my favorite things of all time, yet will likely never see the light of day. I have no idea what is in store for me here, but my hindsight has shown me that even if it just ends up being the quizzical and curious musings of a woman pondering life’s little miracles, then that’s enough for me. I will be dedicating a much bigger chunk of my time to writing this year because it is where I find my most joy, and why wouldn’t I follow where most of my joy is leading me?

I want change. I seek change. I desire change. I have decided to quit pondering change, being fearful of change, and thinking I need a well-defined and cleared path ahead of me to allow change. Somewhere in the ether there is a net that is already being sewn together on my behalf so that each time I jump, it will already be there waiting to catch me.

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the stars.”

— Les Brown